ABOUT ME

I suppose you could say I am another one of the statistics of bullying, for the full 12 years of being at school I was the scapegoat for the resident bullies, at that time it wasn’t as widely recognised as it is now and neither of my parents knew how to deal with it so I just suffered. I’m not going to sit here and brag about how easily I dealt with it, because sometimes I didn’t and it all drags you down.

My name is Sarah, I’m sure that sounds better than ‘statistic of bullying’, much more personal. I am now 25, some parents may think I’m too young to be offering you advice on bullying, but the added bonus I have is that I’m young enough to remember the effects and old enough to research into it properly making sure you get all the facts.

I had the ‘full house’ when it came to the types of bullying I was on the receiving end of. Although you would have to substitute the ‘happy slapping’ for the old fashioned getting your head kicked in while everyone laughed and pointed. Or the ‘cyber bullying’ for graffiti aimed at me as the technology wasn’t available for the newer forms of torture. I don’t think torture is too harsh of a word to use, nor are you over exaggerating. It’s how it feels when you are a victim, not to mention the feeling of loneliness and isolation.

I thought if I gave you some background of the things I had to put up with it might make you feel less alone. Well I hope so, because I’m sure it will mirror some of the things you’ve suffered. Different place, different generation, same story!

I was never in one school for long; my Dad was in the forces so we travelled around for much of my earlier years at school. I was always the new kid who spoke funny; whether I had an Irish accent from the time I spent in Belfast, which according to the kids in my new school made me an IRA terrorist at the grand age of 6. Pretty good going for a 6 year old that was born in England.

That was the only reason I was a victim of bullying, not because there was anything wrong with me as a person, as there isn’t anything wrong with you either. It’s just that bullies get intimidated by different; they see anything outside of their cosy world as a threat. Unfortunately I can’t give you the answers as to why they do. I don’t even think a bully could answer that one.

So O.K we’ve established the pretty dumb reasons as to why? Maybe I should let you in to some of the stuff that happened. After all, each one of us has something in common and maybe you’ll be more inclined to trust my advice if you know someone who managed to overcome her schooldays and turn out to be happy, successful and popular with her friends.

Some of the most vivid memories is of a gang of kids breaking their necks to bully and intimidate me, if I was with even just one friend, they’d frighten him or her so much that within minutes the would also be joining in on the taunts. I remember on one occasion the ringleader who was older than the rest throwing a dead mouse at me, saying that they’d killed my pet rat. It hurt so much at the time, even though I knew it wasn’t my rat; it was more the thought that they could say things that were so cruel.

Although I did have a few fights, I mainly suffered verbal attacks and threats, when living in northern England I was called ‘posh snob’ because I had a southern accent, and when down south I was ‘thick’ because of my northern accent. A no win situation wherever I went. In one school I was accused of killing my Step-Dad who had died at Christmas, according to the simple minds of the bullies I had killed him because I frightened him with my ‘ugly’ appearance. Ok so I’m no Jennifer Lopez, but I’m not ugly either. I haven’t been short of boyfriends since I left school.

I was isolated by the rest of my peers, taunted, spat on and had things stolen from me. It was a lonely time. Other pupils were always trying to get me in to trouble by making things up to tell the teacher. Quite often I was hated by the students and not very popular with the teachers because of all the bad reports they had off me. Their theory was that if it is said enough times, it must be true.

One of the lowest points was when I left one school and returned four years later for my G.C.S.E’s the same people who bullied me at junior school and the start of that one picked up where they left off, where the others who didn’t know me isolated me for being new, and as I have never followed fashion and always liked the style I adopted even to this day. I have always been deemed as weird.

So how did I deal with all this? It wasn’t easy, and I won’t pretend to you that I often believed I’d be able to put up with it.

Ambition was the biggest factor. Knowing that I had the potential to do or achieve anything I set my mind to. I wouldn’t let the small minded idiots ruin my life any further than suffering lonely school days. It made me even more determined to pass my exams and I refused to let them interfere with my studies. It was mind over matter knowing that it wasn’t going to be forever, the physical pain of fights soon went and the emotional abuse, well, it hurts and stays with you for a long time, but it isn’t true. Although eventually they can make you believe it. This is where you have to be strong, remind yourself that you are a decent person and that you can achieve your goals and in ten years time you will be doing all the things that they could only dream of.

I also knew deep down that the people that made me feel so bad would be the ones who ended up lonely. They don’t know how to treat people with respect and will carry on like this when they are adults, no grown individual in their right mind would entertain them if they continued with that attitude. The friends they had at school more often than not only stayed with them out of fear, once out of school got on with their life.

If it helps all my beliefs have become reality, I have recently found out what most of my former bullies become. It pretty much sums up what I thought when I was back at school. They’re lonely, dis-satisfied with life and have very little in the way of career prospects. I pity them. At least I know that in order to have good friends, you have to treat them well and with respect.

If I had a message for all the people who made my life a living hell what would it be? Well other than making my apologies for not giving up when they so badly wanted me to, I’d have to say thanks for teaching me the value of friendship and thanks for making me realise that in order to be popular all I have to do is be completely different to them. And the biggest Thank-you to the small-minded idiots that have given me the awareness of suffering, without them I wouldn’t have even thought of setting up this site to help others.

I know that throughout your life you will experience set backs and not everything goes to plan, don’t be dis-heartened if you have your mind set on something, it can be done. Just take a look at me. I have gone on to achieve good grades at college and get my dream placement at university, and although I had to put it on hold when I fell pregnant I am going to continue with my degree on a part time basis. Although circumstances change and events in your life will alter the plan you set out for yourself at school, the basic achievement can be achieved no matter what happens! All you need to do is put your mind to it and it will be all the more worthwhile.